Not "just" a mom.
I am more than a butt and booger wiper.
For the past 17 years I’ve been “just” a stay at home mom. I had an occasional job here and there but nothing of substance. When I was a little girl I used to say that I never wanted kids. I wanted to be an FBI agent and study the minds of criminals. I was going to have a high power job and be a boss. I was never going to have time for kids.
I graduated high school a year early and started college. I met my husband who was a submarine officer, who graduated from the Naval Academy. I had my first baby at age 23. Long story short, we moved from state to state with the Navy and four kids later, I found myself as a stay at home mom.
You see, during these last 17 years I have always been known as “Paityn’s mom”, “Guys wife“, “Lt. Glennon's wife”. I never finished college, which as you can imagine lead to very embarrassing conversations with high ranking officer wives in the military. “Oh where did you go to college, where do you work?” 9/10 I’d lie because I was ashamed to say I never finished college. I was “just a stay at home mom!” I would get pregnant and take a break from college. I ended up being a career college student.
I begin to feel restless, anxious and lost. I am now 40 and done with being “just a mom”. I finally started to chip away at what my true passions are. Who i am as a person. Finding my identity outside of someone’s wife and mother. It is a slow and tedious process. But I am learning more every day. I am figuring out what my purpose is. Taking back time for myself and my mental well being, my hobbies and I’m learning how to make an income while being a stay at home mom.
It is possible to have your cake AND eat it too. You can have your own identity and be so much more than “just a mom!” Check out my amazing community of moms in this group I created on facebook.
Tracy spent years considering what other people would think of her before she made any decisions. She worried about which college her mother would approve of and which career path would make people want to be friends with her.
She chose vacation destinations based on how they would look to her social media followers, rather than what she really wanted to do. She picked her child’s daycare after listening to her friends, rather than trusting her own gut.
As a result, Tracy often found it difficult to make decisions and she rarely felt happy with her life. There were moments it almost seemed as if everyone else were making her decisions for her.
When Tracy read a quote by Lao Tzu, it changed her life. He said, “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
1. You Know What You Need
When you’re making an important life decision, it’s natural to feel a bit confused or overwhelmed. You may bring in others in the hopes that they’ll guide you into making the best decision. Often, this is driven by a need for approval and a lack of confidence in yourself.
But everything you already need to make the right decision—the best decision for you—is within yourself. You know what you need. You know what option falls in line with your values. You know what will ultimately make you happiest.
While friends and family can sometimes be a great feedback loop, the truth is that most of your loved ones want you to stay safe. That means they’ll often discourage you from taking new leaps and experimenting. It’s not that they are trying to be unkind. They simply want to spare you disappointment and pain.
It’s hard to grow into the person you want to be if you’re always checking in with one hundred other “co-pilots” who weigh in on the various aspects of your life. The truth is, at some point, you must stop taking what everyone else wants into consideration. If you’re truly going to grow, you must give yourself the gift of space.
3. You Can’t Please Everyone
Another problem with constantly seeking approval from those around you is that all of the opinions you seek will rarely be in harmony. For example, you want to go back to college and finish your degree.
Your mother may be hugely supportive of this idea while your friend points out that your degree won’t help you on your current career path. Your partner may be concerned about you spending time away from your family.
In these situations, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and wonder who you should listen to. That’s why it’s important to keep in mind that you can’t please everyone. Sure, you might be able to please a few people sometimes. But you can’t satisfy everyone (and you don’t have to try!).
4. You Have to Live with the Results
Ultimately, you’re the one who has to live with the decisions that are made. You’re the one that bears out the consequences of your actions—regardless of who inspired or pushed you towards that path.
This is why it’s so important to consider your choices carefully and block out the voices of others. These other people may love you and want what’s best for you, but they aren’t the ones that are living out that choice.
5. Your Dreams Are Worth Fighting For
You have hopes, dreams, goals, and ambitions. Some of these may be big, bright beautiful dreams that you won’t pursue because you chose another path. But some of these dreams you may never pursue simply because you’re too busy listening to everyone else, instead of your own voice.
Sarah had a job she hated, working for an ad agency. She liked her co-workers and her boss. Her pay was great and she loved the benefits the company provided. But not being able to choose her own projects was stifling Sarah’s creativity.
Finally, after a few months, Sarah began to consider the possibility of becoming a freelance graphic designer. She asked a few close family members to weigh in on her new decision.
Each one discouraged her from taking action for various reasons—the instability of the economy, the health insurance package she had, and the fact that she actually liked her co-workers.
Sarah was almost ready to give up until her husband told her to fight for her new dream. He convinced her that taking action—even if her new career path didn’t work out—was better than forever living with the regret of not having tried.
6. Your Creativity Is Unleashed
When you let go of needing the approval of others and stop caring what they think, something amazing happens. Your own creativity is unleashed in exciting, new ways.
Now maybe you don’t consider yourself a creative person. You don’t paint or draw or write. But when you give yourself the freedom to walk away from the prison of opinion, then suddenly the world opens up with possibilities. You see all the things you could do and all the things you could become. Your life truly feels like your own!
7. You Are Free to Accept Yourself
After you let go of what other people think, you’re free to acknowledge who you truly are. You can step into your identity without worrying about what others think about who you are now.
You can stand there and proudly proclaim, “This is me.” There’s something profoundly satisfying about knowing who you are and accepting that person, flaws and all.
8. You Redefine Success
When you live by committee, someone else determines what “success” looks like. Maybe to your parents, success looks like a mortgage and two kids. Perhaps to your cousins, success looks like a prestigious law degree and a corner office.
But if you’re always chasing someone else’s definition of success, you’re likely to end up burned out and frustrated, even if you do manage to succeed.
It’s far better to take a step back and ask yourself, “What does success look like to me?” Keep in mind when asking this question that there’s no right or wrong definition here. You might define success as being able to live in an RV nine months out of the year while homeschooling your three kids. You might define success as the ability to write books and self-publish them. Define success on your terms!
9. You Gain New Confidence
Perhaps the biggest benefit of walking away from the opinion of others is that you gain new confidence in your abilities. You finally realize that you have the power to make smart decisions that honor who you are.
The result is a boost of confidence. The more you become confident in yourself, the easier it becomes to embrace your own voice and discover what you truly want out of your life.
10. It’s Time to Try Something New
If you’ve spent years worrying about what others think and fretting over the opinions of those around you, the idea of letting go may seem radical to you. In fact, it can be downright scary. But think of it like a journey and make baby steps toward letting go.
Just like you have to practice riding a bike, you have to practice making decisions by yourself. The more you do, the more you’ll realize just how awesome you are!
It is so so easy to slip into a pattern of pessimism. It’s like falling down a rabbit hole you can never get out. The first few days of quarantine I felt ok. As the days went on however, things became increasingly hard. I started to notice a trend on social media. Illness, social isolation, loneliness and an all around bad vibe. It felt like I was being swallowed up by a dark cloud.