10 ways we can support our friends and family when tragedy strikes.
When you have a loved one or friend who is grieving or has just had a tragedy it is hard knowing what to do to help. What do you say? What can you do? You feel so helpless when someone is suffering. Here are 10 things you can do to support them.
- Just be there and lend your ears. This is one of the most simple things you can do but has the biggest impact. Your loved one or friend may want to talk, cry, scream, vent and you can be the person to listen.
- What do you say? "I don't have the right words for you other than I am so very sorry." That is it. The truth is that there are no right words. Your words are powerful!
- Be their house assistant and housekeeper. Yes, be their hands and feet. They will most likely be receiving lots of food. Be there to answer the door, heat the meals for them, clean up after they eat, do a few loads of laundry, tidy up.
- Be their record keeper. During this time they will have to make decisions that they are not wanting to make. Funeral arrangements, death certificates, and more. Take copious notes. At this time their brains are most likely on overload. Write those small details down for them.
- Talk about their lost loved one. Sometimes we feel like we don't want to bring it up or talk about their loved one that has passed. We think that bringing it up will make it harder for them. This is not the case. Share a memory that you have with their loved one. If you feel that talking about it is not the right time, then write it down for them.
- Use their name. This goes hand in hand with number 5. A big fear that grieving loved ones fear is that the memory of their lost loved ones will be forgotten. Their life matters. "Do you want to talk about <their name>?
- Remember them. Christmas, birthdays, heaven day, Thanksgiving. Just about any holiday where you will be gathering with loved ones, remember them. Send them a card, a text, or an email. "Hey, a friend I was just thinking of you and <their lost loved one's name>.
- Research. Offer to connect them with someone that may be in a similar situation. Whether is it a sudden tragic death like a suicide or something else, it is comforting to talk to someone that has been there.
- Just do it. Don't tell them "Hey reach out if you need anything." "Let me know how I can help." Chances are they don't even know what day it is. If they have kids tell them "Hey I am picking up Sally at school today and will be dropping her off after we have a happy meal." Or mow their lawn. Pick up their dry cleaning. Don't ask, just do!
- Lastly, acknowledge of painfully shitty the situation is. Don't ever, I repeat ever say things like "oh he/she is in a better place." This will sting so badly because to someone that just lost their loved one "a better place" would be here on this earth with us. Instead, something like "This sucks and is so shitty and I am so very sorry."
Tragedy happens inevitably. Wouldn't it be miraculous if we could wipe tragic events off the earth? Unfortunately, this is not possible. I hope that if you have a loved one struggling with something tragic these 10 tips will help you not feel so helpless.